Validating people

If someone can successfully validate the gravity of what I am feeling, for instance, s/he can successfully alleviate some of my suffering merely by helping me disperse the mental weight of whatever I may be experiencing.

(If someone else sees it to, I'm not the only one who has to worry about it; if someone else realizes the gravity of my experience, I feel less alone and thus more capable of managing whatever I'm going through).

Certainly, if you cannot find someone who you feel adequately validates your pain, then it would make sense that you'd become increasingly preoccupied with the pain (as it would remain festering in your mind, without the relief of another person helping you carry a bit of it through the support of acknowledging its intensity).

But should that person come along--or, should you procure the means of validating it without another person's input, i.e.

and an exacerbated need for validation is by no means advantageous.

Conversely, there are people whose need for external validation is reduced because they are more capable of validating themselves. Neither end of the need-for-validation spectrum, however, would seem to take away the importance (and innate human-ness) of the need for validation: though some people require greater external validation than others, the fact remains that we all need it in order to proceed (survive).

evacuating the premises, calling the fire deparment) you are, in a sense, validating the smoke alarm: you're acknowledging the signal it's sending, and you're responding to the message conveyed by the signal ("fire, fire! Especially because no one in my life did validate my feelings!

I have turned to support groups on Facebook where for the first time in my life I have found a plethora of validation, understanding & compassion!

I think, fundamentally, validation also acts as a green light, which, when provided by another person, indicates: "yes, you're pain is justified/valid.

" In its most tragic form, the increasing need for validation from those with decreasing capacity to give it keeps people locked in bad and abusive relationships.

The parties feel like they can't be okay until their partners "get" how bad they feel.

You needn't go up to the device and say "I understand" (that would be ludicrous and disingenuous, as phrases like this often can be when someone is trying to pretend to fix another person's situation without really understanding what s/he's going through). I agree that "We heal emotional pain by engaging our innate ability to create value and meaning in our lives", and that it is not beneficial to allow ourselves to be consumed with the negative energy of our pain.

But, by you taking its beeping seriously (stopping whatever you're doing--so: altering your behavior in response to the message you're receiving--listening to the message it's sending, and acting accordingly--i.e. But I completely disagree that needing "someone to confirm that your pain is justified, only keeps you hyper-focused on the pain." For me, self cutting has often been a way to prove to myself that my pain was real! I was so numb & I needed to be able to feel something!

Leave a Reply