For example, I didn’t go rafting with him because my lungs had been damaged and the river has a road with traffic next to it.
I didn’t want to harm my lungs with contamination/exhaust fumes.
He said, “If you always assume something bad will happen then you end up not doing anything.
Most of the time bad things won’t happen but you can’t perceive that and miss out on a lot of experiences.” Basically I am triggered so much of the time that I have trouble going out and doing anything fun, adventurous or interesting.
I feel bad that I have physical limitations and injuries due to the accidents, and lost my figure and the beauty of my appearance. I notice that he looks stressed, like everything is taking a toll on him. So I think grief is in there and if it is a profound grief, you may not be available to your partner – at least not fully – until you grieve that loss or those losses.
I wish I could be my old self with my nice figure I used to have for my boyfriend. I notice he has started to have some health issues, probably from stress. The part of your heart lost in grieving will be a part of you that is not there to love your partner.
I feel really bad for abandoning my partner and my life. I know he likes me how I am but that is no consolation when the grief is still so strong. If I even begin to go down that road I feel I will be lost.
When I am very suicidal, I see how worried he looks and this hurts. The grief is so huge I feel like I can’t open my heart to him or else it will all pour out everywhere.
When I feel clingy I start to wonder if I’m using him. Sometimes I get addicted to computer games to escape my intense feelings that are bubbling just below the surface.
So boyfriend feels alone and abandoned by my: From my point of view, I just see all the symptoms of PTSD standing in-between my boyfriend and I like a huge wall.
The worst things are not being able to see who he is for real and feeling so terrified of him for no reason.
I think I even turn good things we’ve experienced together into bad things without realizing it.
I also don’t remember simple things like taking care of something I said I would do.