The story of lost love is one most of us can tell, and the question, "Why do relationships fail? While our fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, we all harbor defenses that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt. A new relationship is uncharted territory, and most of us have natural fears of the unknown.
Lelothando- that’s me Leon- my boo thang Siyabulela- big bro Nosihle- my mother Lubanzi- my dad Yeah my dad is xhosa from Lusikisiki but I’ve never been there and my mom is Zulu from Umzinto. In an attempt to cover over this fear, we may focus on more superficial concerns, pick fights with our partner or, in extreme cases, completely give up the relationship.We are rarely fully aware of how we defend against these existential fears.We may steer away from intimacy, because it stirs up old feelings of hurt, loss, anger or rejection. Pat Love said in an interview with Psych Alive, “when you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain,” the pain you felt at not having it in the past. We have trouble feeling our own value and believing anyone could really care for us.We all have a “critical inner voice,” which acts like a cruel coach inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness.