It’s why wing[wo]men are so amazing to have around.It’s why people are far more likely to connect with you on dating apps when you have friends in common. We need to remember that friendship is never a means to an end.Using these insights, we both began introducing each other to awesome people within our respective friend groups, and have been doing so for years.The friendship-first approach centers around sharing fun and memorable experiences with the people we meet, and seeking to learn their stories and their preferences, free of any overtly sexual or romantic expectations.New dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel make us log in with Facebook, and they display the mutual friends we share with users on the app, which generates feelings of credibility and trust.The worlds of dating and social networking are on a path toward convergence, and friendship is the driving force.Genuine friendships drive human happiness, and when we want the best for the people we meet and strive to help them excel in the things they value, we are deepening our capacity for quality friendships.The most influential line I ever read about cultivating friendships & relationships actually came from a nondescript Geocities page that I stumbled across in 2003.
We explored new neighborhoods, meandered through parks, and people-watched out of a coffee shop’s balcony.
Complaining about being “friendzoned” is incredibly harmful to our relationships and can cripple our capacity for both healthy friendships and healthy relationships.
The friendship-first approach is not an isolated theory. Our existing friends have always been our best source of referrals.
Sex and romance can definitely still happen in the context of friendship-first dating, but they are never assumed or expected, and the top priority is always to understand and validate someone’s existing preferences and goals rather than imposing your own goals and expectations upon them.
The concept of being “friendzoned” on an implicit expectation of sex, because it posits friendship as a suboptimal outcome instead of being a worthy end in and of itself.