Yet with so little consensus on bill-paying etiquette, I’ve come to take the whole thing a less seriously.
There are better ways for me to tell how ideologically in sync I am with someone than how fast he reaches for his wallet.
“Some guys are offended that I even offer to pay — some think I’m not sincere when I offer.”Another, 57, said, “I offer to pay half because it’s a gender equity thing — I don’t think men should have to always assume paying every bill.
However, I think I’m in the minority of women who feel that way…
When I started dating my very first boyfriend as a sophomore in high school, I was adamant that I pay for my own meals. This became such a point of contention that we eventually broke up over an otherwise enjoyable night of thai (that he insisted on paying for).
Once I started dating online after college, I found myself in many similar situations.
The most common comment among both men and women was that it was the “chivalrous” or “gentlemanly” thing to do.
“If he wants to set the tone as a gentleman and a capable adult, he should offer to pay,” said one member, age 46.
To figure out why there’s such a taboo around the tab, we decided to send out a follow-up survey.
Getting to that conversation earlier can let you know whether you’re compatible.”This makes sense, of course, since being explicit about one’s values on a first date is almost always a good move.
If I dove into my personal manifesto on outdated dating traditions before the bill came, it’d definitely get my intention across — but not everyone finds this as romantic as I would.
This makes them 9% more likely to do so than older women, but the numbers still surprised me — while simultaneously helping me understand the behavior of my recent dates: 60% of millennial men said they would pay the entire tab on a first date (compared to 67% of older men).
When looking at the entire sample, only 32% of women and 15% of men dating today say that they’d choose to go splitsies on the tab.