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After months fantasizing about cutting off his dreads, you decide to just cut your losses and turn him loose.You receive a notification that someone has viewed your Linked In profile, and moments later Jennifer emails you about an “awesome opportunity” that she thinks you’d be a “perfect fit for.” Given your desire to explore options in your field and grow professionally and the fact she looks totally hot in her headshot you message her back telling her you’d love to hear more. It’s technically more of a meeting, but as she continues to compliment your background, skills, and experience, your ego -- along with something else -- begins to swell, and you start to wonder if her request to connect on Linked In could develop into a love connection.The first date: His car is filled with boxes of fliers and can’t seat two, so you agree to meet him at his apartment at University Estates and try to convince yourself it’s not weird that he lives with college kids.

It’s 9pm on the second night of Eurphoria, and you would sell your first-born to avoid walking one more step.

This is your first time here, and you’re not quite brave enough to shed your bottoms, but you admire the fact that Spirit is not only comfortable enough to bare his gnarly man bush, but to partake in naked Tai Chi.

After 12 seconds of conversation, you determine your astrological signs are totally compatible so, really, what could go wrong?

Fortunately, there’s a line of pedicab drivers ready and willing to take advantage of the stumbling, tired, and lazy.

While Jade kind of looks like he hasn’t bathed in a few days and is, without doubt, incredibly stoned, his facial hair and ratty T-shirt are hot in an IDGAF way, and the way he effortlessly hauls your body weight up the hill makes you feel beautiful and free in a way you’ve never experienced...

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