However, I must disagree with the majority of things you have said about bipolar. I must disagree with the "lack of showing affection" as being a bipolar characteristic, simply because my ex was the opposite. Holding hands in public, kissing, and he was actually the cuddler. The only time I ever felt like sex was forced was when I knew our relationship was ending, which was the last time I ever saw him or spoke to him. When it came to sex in public, he was actually not like that what-so-ever. They dated for a year and a half and he never got off with her during sex. He told me that if anything ever happened to his parents he couldnât go on living. So, I always asked them (my friends) why should they not be in a relationship. I know our breakup devastated him and he will continue to blame me for his unhappiness. I honestly think in my case he showed me aspects of his personality that he never showed anyone else before and we became very close at one time.I think you just had a really bad experience with a man. I would like people to respond to see if your statements are accurate, or if the guy had other major problems going on. Although my ex-bf and I didnt have anything in common I think that is what drew us close together. (at that time, it was almost a month since he stopped taking the prescriptions.) 4. It took me a while to make him agree to let me go down on him in the movie theatre. However, he did mention his past relationships, and he never spoke bad of his exes. But I think watching others would be fun--and I am not bipolar. She said it felt forced and she felt he wasnât turned on by her. It made me feel better, knowing it really wasnât me after all, but made me feel sad again for him, because he is unable to be âintimateâ. He never pointed out how much money he spent on me. He also invested over 25k into our relationship, supporting my daughter and me for several months before we moved in with him, bought us both so many gifts and loaned me money for my business.WE do work hard to get our symptoms under control and try not to make the lives of those around us a complete nightmare. He could just have been a very nasty person who happened also to have bi-polar. I'm sorry you had a bad experience and even more sorry that your daughter suffered too but there are people who behave in the way your ex behaved who have NO MENTAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS AT ALL. I have met some bi-polar people that are pretty nice of course I have not lived with them, like you did. He was actually more of the giver, and never rubbed it in anyone's face. And we would have little fights bc I always felt it should be 50/50.. It even scared me to the point, that I knew I needed more than just âtalk therapyâ. I am going to assume that since your ex was on and off again with is medication (it sounds like) led to that passionate sex. When we first broke up (this is the second time) he cried to get me back, but we were both so emotionally that I cried as well. --during fights he would not answer his phone, turn off the lights at his home and pretend he wasnât there refusing to speak 50. I was lucky like I said if we had it once a week and like I said, even that felt forced.So to those of you who do bravely venture into getting into a relationship with those of us who have bipolar desease, kudos to you. Or someone who decided to get some form of diagnosis to manipulate others. I know, I married one and was abused night and day. Don't you feel that if he was seeking professional help and was taking meds and was not doing the stuff on the computer that he was doing and a few other negative things that he was doing and thinking of your . --- "he had little to no friends" he was a loner, but I didnt mind, because sometimes I needed that intimacy. Agree--"his parents were over involved in his life, yet he was in his mid 30âs."--- he was 1 year shy of it... I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on lexapro. I just think with mine the medicine really inhibited him to feel sexual yet I donât think he was willing to admit it. I did something horrible to him, and he wanted me back. The more I think about it the more I think he was embarrassed that he couldnât get off and that he simply was sick of trying. When he knew I wanted sex, he always made an effort, even if he was tired or sleepy.--except when we were ending. He took showers with me a lot, but did prefer his privacy at times...Some of us will amaze you you and you will find we can be very loving and giving. Statements such as "Bipolars are expert at manipulation" is completely unfounded. Daughter and you at times instead of it always being about himself that things might have been a bit better and not rushed into things. Daughter can find someone that can treat someone that will treat you both the way that you both need to be treated. And actually, I think he was overly involved in his parents life, but that just made him a family person, and me being someone who lacked family life, actually that was something I loved about him. Agree-- "he had a hard time getting off during sex" that was bc of the meds. I took it for 4 months and then I started having severe side effects, like dizziness and losing my hair. I have been off the drug now for 8 months, and although its been difficult at times, I feel myself getting stronger every day. And friends that have never loved someone that is bipolar just canât seem to understand, especially given how horribly he treated me and my daughter. I choose to love the real person that I only got to see glimpses of. Instead he would say mean things to me like, âi felt more sexy with the nameless faceless women on line then I do with you now, or ever did.â it really was a major hit to my self esteem, because at the time, I really did feel like it was me that wasnât âturningâ him on. =( and then the second time, never bad was done, and he doesnt even pick up his calls. Never was controlling or manipulative, howver, towards the end, he just never was around and was too busy with other activities. Realistically, the relationship never would have worked, but he never said it, but always said I was too good for him... But if I asked him to shower with me, he never turned me down. Towards the end he became suicidal, talking about hating his life and wanting to die. Iâve told him that I will always love him and I know there is not another ex girlfriend that even thinks about him anymore like I do.To be honest I am sure many people with BPD can tell you about how they have been manipulated by others. I hope that you have family that will help you out. You just have to be more careful what is out there and take your time. Daughter, their is nothing to be ashamed of, heck, we all need alittle help sometimes and it is not your fault even though their are people that like to make you feel that it is. i am writing this for anyone who is dating someone that is bipolar or is thinking about dating someone that is bipolar. I have never ever had sex be more passionate and intense the way that sex was with him. I now have a new boyfriend that is extremely supportive and luckily lets me talk through the pain that has not entirely gone away. We would have sex maybe 4 times a month and we were supposed to be getting married. I tried sooo hard to stay to help him, but he shut me out one day out of the blue. There is not a day that goes by that I donât think about him.
It was the saddest, hardest and most devastating relationship I have ever had. So, I always asked them (my friends) why should they not be in a relationship. I appreciate your saying that not all bipolar sufferers are alike. He was diagnosed by 5 separate specialists, or so he said. But I always thought his moods were extreme, especially given the medications he is taking and the fact that he has taken them consistently for the past 5 years.
Itâs been 1 year and 3 months since we split up, and I am finally moving through the pain, however I donât think I will ever be the same. Lacking intimacy 11.) admitted sending explicit sexual photos to women he didnât know on line and wish he had done more sexually promiscuous things 12.) said he was glad I wasnât into porn and said he was vehemently against it 13.) i found him posted on a porn web site while we were still engaged soliciting sex 14.) had dated 224 women, yet hadnât had a significant relationship since college 15.) said he had done inappropriate things in the past that he didnât want to go into 16.) told me watching others have sex would be fun 17.) extraordinarily bright, but emotionally immature 18.) proposed marriage within 3 months 19.) one day he was up the next he was down. He stayed on his side of the bed, again no intimacy 21.) demanded my time when he knew I couldnât give it 22.) said he wasnât into public displays of affection 23.) he had little to no friends 24.) his parents were over involved in his life, yet he was in his mid 30âs.
Though these warning signs may not fit every person with the bipolar disorder, I know many of them are typical: you can clearly see the warning signs of the manic stage (which I missed), mixed state, rapid cycling, and finally his depression. 1.) on the second date, found out we had very little in common early on. 25.) parents were in denial of his illness and treated him like a child 26.) he had a hard time getting off during sex with me he told me it was because he had been numbed by all his sexual experiences (in reality I think it was because of the drugs) 27.) he was very judgmental of me my family and friends 28.) kept track of gifts he had given people, or what gifts people gave him, had great expectations of others 29.) when introduced to others he would make comments about how no one seemed interested in him 30.) he frequently made comments about how much money he was spending on me 31.) he frequently pointed out my faults 32.) he was convinced I was bipolar and told me I should go see a physiatrist to see if I possibly could be.
Looking back on it now, it was a direct manipulation and it worked, because I showed up at his door that evening. I wish I had done my research prior to my involvement with him instead of learning as I went along and although I know not all bipolarâs are the same I would like to post the warning signs I ignored and say that if anyone here is considering getting involved with someone with this illness be prepared to face a lifetime of pain. Very little french kissing or touching in general, but otherwise acted very sexual. 4.) wrote me an e-mail of things he expected of me and from the relationship early on including marriage and children. 5.) told me he âloved meâ after our 5th date 6.) clearly by now he is in a full manic stage.
I have yet to meet someone in person or on line that has a healthy relationship with someone with this illness. He brought me down to such a state of depression that I myself had to take medication several months after our breakup for depression. Everything was euphoric, he was taking me on the ride with him 7.) did or made inappropriate sexual comments, grabbing my crotch in public, saying or asking inappropriate things 8.) wanted to know how far I have gone sexually, i. Threesomes, etc 9.) talked about sex all the time, but when it came right down to it, he used it as a way to control me, saying this such as âa good way not to get me to sleep with you is by asking me to.â 10.) sex the first time was horrible and many times thereafter.