10 simple rule for dating my daughter

Rule 4 : I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing the "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.

Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, I will kill you.

Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been.

If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.

Rule 6 : I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.Instead of just standing there , why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. When I start having flashbacks, the voices in my head frequently tell me to "lock and load" as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.Rule 8 : The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns, within eyesight; holding hands, or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat; movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are OK. I have a gun, a shovel, and five acres behind my house. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.

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